Lessons from mainstream media...
Spent the better part of the day chatting with Atty Ames...she's home sick, so from the time I got up at noon until I absolutely had to get myself out of the house at 8pm to get over to Sam's Club before they closed (it's very sobering to wake up and have to rush yourself out of the house in time to close a store as your sole accomplishment for the day), then from 10ish to just after midnight, we chatted about yet more random topics, such as:
-How my entry from yesterday was entirely mistaken on why she now feels I'm an unsuitable travel partner, and that it doesn't extend from my promiscuity at all, but her utter disgust that I don't know my way around Memphis, after my one-week visit there last year turned into nearly a month...to which I allegedly replied that I "had no reason to explore or remember unless it has to do with females" (I don't think that was verbatim, but we'll let her slide on that one), and only then did she say "well that's great, you'd be a lovely travel partner."
-That she objects to my use of the phrase "newfound sluttiness" in yesterday's entry, because "since when is it newfound?", and that I "shouldn't mislead the masses", and she feels that she's fully aware of the extent of my sluttiness, but I think she's really not ("...you can't handle the truth!")
-TV shows we're hooked on (Nip/Tuck, Six Feet Under, Entourage, Huff, etc.)
-How I never knew she was a Swingers fan, and she probably shouldn't have told me as now I'm going to quote and/or reference it ad nauseam. She also "can totally see me as the dingbat in Swingers in Vegas losing his shirt." (which has in fact happened a couple times)
-Trip to Europe in May! (If I can tear myself away from weekend parties in CLT for that long) perhaps a tropical trip in February?
-That she secretly has a hot (in my opinion) bi thing for Ashlee Simpson (OK, we didn't really talk about this one, but I thought it after the fact)
-Tax theory (yeah, highly exciting)
-Retirement plans (both federally recognized 401(k), Keogh, pensions, etc. as well as Lottery-funded)
-How she doesn't read this blog regularly, damn her! And went so far as to lose the URL and had to ask me to provide it again.
-Hottie sister Melinda (She forbids me to go near her and it sickens her that I continue to date women younger than Mel)
-Our mutual desire to write, and the fact that we should really work on keeping one another motivated. To that end, we've decided to rough/first draft a 3000-word article by next week (ugh, what did I sign up for? what will I write about? Suggestions welcome here, please!) Does this count? Damn, it's only 1700 words...crap, this is going to suck...
-Tunica, MS and other "shitty gambling towns"
-Potential road trip destinations
-Our secret freakish enjoyment of the band Heart and hits such as "Magic Man", "Crazy on You" and "Barracuda"
-Attractiveness/talent of Vince Vaughn vs. Jon Favreau, Ron Livingston, John Cusack, and Hank Azaria
-How she's been "so good to me lately"
-How I seem to have a fetish for Colombian women of late
-How hot she sounded when I spoke to her drunk ass on new year's
-That she used to refer to all this Euro/Trance/Ambient music I listen to as "Faggy Pop", and how it's fortunate that she's got no desire to listen to it, as I only share my music with women I'm sleeping with (Clearly, my subtle humour in that entry was lost on her)
-Her hyper dog, Stuart
-Etymology of the word "mongoloid" and how I personally resent an ethnic descriptor having abnormal/derogatory implications, because if the Mongolians look like 'tards, then the rest of Asia isn't far behind...
-That she's surprised that I'm not a Howard Stern fan (in fact, I think he's a whiny little bitch, but I occasionally allow myself the indulgence of watching the E! cable program, but even that's maddening as they blur out all the nakedness, and it's late night cable, goddamnit, what am I paying for if not the T&A? Crikey.)
Well, she's out til Thursday, so perhaps tomorrow will be equally unproductive but chat-filled.
Have been thinking about experimenting with different condom brands/styles, to see if there's something out there I like that's better than what I'm using now. Might as well check on the advancements in technology, right? In conducting basic online research, I came across the following slightly disturbing review on Amazon (from someone going by the moniker of (appropriately enough,) "Scarychick"):
I found out the hard way these can't be used effectively more than once. In the past, to save money, I've had my men reuse each condom at least once. With latex, you can just empty it and press it in a heavy book (like a dictionary) for reuse on another night (or day, for you freakazoids!). Of course, you'll want to relubricate it, but ultimately it works out to be cheaper than always using a new condom. With these lamb-condoms, I found that they are nearly impossible to relubricate after they've dried out (and I've used the heaviest book in my home- a HUGE all-encompassing encyclopedia- to press it!). So in the end, the cost of these admittedly heavenly-feeling condoms just isn't justified
[shudder]
One wonders (just a little and with more cringing trepidation than anything else) what "the hard way" might entail in learning this little lesson. "At LEAST once"?! just in case that first time isn't wrong enough? I also thought that the altering the heaviness of the book was a very clever variable to attack as far as altering one's approach in order to overcome a specific problem and/or achieve differing results; clearly that's the cause of the dryness/toughness, and NOT THE BASIC PROPERTY OF THE MATERIAL, sheesh. Definitely remind me NEVER EVER to leaf through or consult or even touch any of her books...
Upon closer inspection, it appears that Amazon lets you display any given user's other product reviews, among other information (for example, it lists her name as Janice Dunning (sigh, I used to, up until just a few minutes ago, love that name...now it's forever tainted) and email address as spookierthanu@aol.com) and this woman apparently has lots of time on her hands, as there are twelve pages of product reviews. I'm a bit conflicted, as on one hand, she sounds articulate and doesn't really make many spelling/grammatical mistakes, but on the other hand, she also manages to sound like the most inane person on the planet...and that's a heavily contested title, believe you me...even based solely on my limited interactions with people. I'm half-tempted to begin a correspondence with her just to see what the deal is! But I'm afraid she'd make me re-use my condoms or try to use the clone-a-willy kit on me, or worse yet, re-wear her underwear (not me there, her) another review:
Many colors to choose from! I love thongs-- the less cloth, the smaller the stink-stains. These aren't the absolute best on the market, and sometimes Lord it seems I've tried 'em all. But I often am able to wear one of these for days at a time without washing them. Try my patented odor-test: hold the thong approximately one foot from your face, if you can't smell it then it's fine to wear.
She's a self-proclaimed middle-aged (red flag) whitest-of-the-white (red flag) devout (red flag) Christian (red flag) neo-feminist (red flag) big girl (smaller red flag), all of which might go a long way toward explaining her very narrow (but quite the opposite in her mind) world view. Rather than get into a long and possibly largely pointless diatribe here, I might just have to read ALL her reviews and use them in measured doses for later entries...it seems I've inadvertently stumbled onto a blog fodder gold mine! (Sorry gang, (and you know who you are) y'all will have to work harder to entertain, this chick has handily swept up first second and possibly third places...) Maybe we could have a weekly "nugget of knowledge/wisdom from Scarychick" segment or something...suggestions?
OK, so the entertainment agenda for the evening (aside from the aforementioned Janice) is the extremely highly-recommended Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, which, as it turns out, is perhaps the finest film ever made. (Possibly even supplanting "Swingers") Why, you ask? Read on to learn just a few reasons why:
-Main love interest is indeterminate ethnicity in the movie, but is actually a Colombian actress! Rowr!
-Chesty argyle hotties...that is, up until the battle scene...
-Cindy Kim and my own brush with asian zealotry attached to a mild hottie with a great rack (for an asian girl)...this is also a story for another entry...
-Liane and the "fuck my wife" bit...god, [drool!] What is it with blonde Swedish girls?! ouch! (She totally reminds me of Elisabeth Rohm from Law & Order) So hot! That is until Chris Meloni (can you believe this is Elliott Stabler from SVU?! (Definite Law & Order theme going on in this scene) This role is just what he needs to keep from being typecast as the brooding father/troubled cop rut he was falling into...now all we need is to get Mariska Hargitay topless...sorry, what was I talking about again?)
-Due credence to the power of the White Castle Slyder (I hate that spelling, but I think it's how the company spells it, bastards
-Chock full of drunk/high moments/quotes:
--Just becasue you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn
--Daddy is not coming on anything!
--She's kinda cute, let her touch your penis
--I can't believe you were gonna ditch for the Joy Luck Club, dude
--If you boys want me, you have to do me at the same time...come on, gimme a double stuff!
--Dude, if it's two holes, it might not be that bad!Shotgunanus!
--What's the deal with Neal Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
--Did she touch your penis?
--Sure got a lot of baggage...
--Bitch! Learn how to make coffee, you fucking whore!
--Cockboy? Did you just call me cockboy?
And finally, the best reason this is the feel-good movie of the year? [drumroll]
-The moral of the story appears to be that the tremendously dorky, decidedly un-slick Asian guy gets the Colombian hottie! With little to no effort! Woohoo! I cried at the end, it was so beautiful. All movies should end like this. It's a wake-up call to Hollywood and the old guard. I'm going to watch it again before bed...goodnight...
-How my entry from yesterday was entirely mistaken on why she now feels I'm an unsuitable travel partner, and that it doesn't extend from my promiscuity at all, but her utter disgust that I don't know my way around Memphis, after my one-week visit there last year turned into nearly a month...to which I allegedly replied that I "had no reason to explore or remember unless it has to do with females" (I don't think that was verbatim, but we'll let her slide on that one), and only then did she say "well that's great, you'd be a lovely travel partner."
-That she objects to my use of the phrase "newfound sluttiness" in yesterday's entry, because "since when is it newfound?", and that I "shouldn't mislead the masses", and she feels that she's fully aware of the extent of my sluttiness, but I think she's really not ("...you can't handle the truth!")
-TV shows we're hooked on (Nip/Tuck, Six Feet Under, Entourage, Huff, etc.)
-How I never knew she was a Swingers fan, and she probably shouldn't have told me as now I'm going to quote and/or reference it ad nauseam. She also "can totally see me as the dingbat in Swingers in Vegas losing his shirt." (which has in fact happened a couple times)
-Trip to Europe in May! (If I can tear myself away from weekend parties in CLT for that long) perhaps a tropical trip in February?
-That she secretly has a hot (in my opinion) bi thing for Ashlee Simpson (OK, we didn't really talk about this one, but I thought it after the fact)
-Tax theory (yeah, highly exciting)
-Retirement plans (both federally recognized 401(k), Keogh, pensions, etc. as well as Lottery-funded)
-How she doesn't read this blog regularly, damn her! And went so far as to lose the URL and had to ask me to provide it again.
-Hottie sister Melinda (She forbids me to go near her and it sickens her that I continue to date women younger than Mel)
-Our mutual desire to write, and the fact that we should really work on keeping one another motivated. To that end, we've decided to rough/first draft a 3000-word article by next week (ugh, what did I sign up for? what will I write about? Suggestions welcome here, please!) Does this count? Damn, it's only 1700 words...crap, this is going to suck...
-Tunica, MS and other "shitty gambling towns"
-Potential road trip destinations
-Our secret freakish enjoyment of the band Heart and hits such as "Magic Man", "Crazy on You" and "Barracuda"
-Attractiveness/talent of Vince Vaughn vs. Jon Favreau, Ron Livingston, John Cusack, and Hank Azaria
-How she's been "so good to me lately"
-How I seem to have a fetish for Colombian women of late
-How hot she sounded when I spoke to her drunk ass on new year's
-That she used to refer to all this Euro/Trance/Ambient music I listen to as "Faggy Pop", and how it's fortunate that she's got no desire to listen to it, as I only share my music with women I'm sleeping with (Clearly, my subtle humour in that entry was lost on her)
-Her hyper dog, Stuart
-Etymology of the word "mongoloid" and how I personally resent an ethnic descriptor having abnormal/derogatory implications, because if the Mongolians look like 'tards, then the rest of Asia isn't far behind...
-That she's surprised that I'm not a Howard Stern fan (in fact, I think he's a whiny little bitch, but I occasionally allow myself the indulgence of watching the E! cable program, but even that's maddening as they blur out all the nakedness, and it's late night cable, goddamnit, what am I paying for if not the T&A? Crikey.)
Well, she's out til Thursday, so perhaps tomorrow will be equally unproductive but chat-filled.
Have been thinking about experimenting with different condom brands/styles, to see if there's something out there I like that's better than what I'm using now. Might as well check on the advancements in technology, right? In conducting basic online research, I came across the following slightly disturbing review on Amazon (from someone going by the moniker of (appropriately enough,) "Scarychick"):
I found out the hard way these can't be used effectively more than once. In the past, to save money, I've had my men reuse each condom at least once. With latex, you can just empty it and press it in a heavy book (like a dictionary) for reuse on another night (or day, for you freakazoids!). Of course, you'll want to relubricate it, but ultimately it works out to be cheaper than always using a new condom. With these lamb-condoms, I found that they are nearly impossible to relubricate after they've dried out (and I've used the heaviest book in my home- a HUGE all-encompassing encyclopedia- to press it!). So in the end, the cost of these admittedly heavenly-feeling condoms just isn't justified
[shudder]
One wonders (just a little and with more cringing trepidation than anything else) what "the hard way" might entail in learning this little lesson. "At LEAST once"?! just in case that first time isn't wrong enough? I also thought that the altering the heaviness of the book was a very clever variable to attack as far as altering one's approach in order to overcome a specific problem and/or achieve differing results; clearly that's the cause of the dryness/toughness, and NOT THE BASIC PROPERTY OF THE MATERIAL, sheesh. Definitely remind me NEVER EVER to leaf through or consult or even touch any of her books...
Upon closer inspection, it appears that Amazon lets you display any given user's other product reviews, among other information (for example, it lists her name as Janice Dunning (sigh, I used to, up until just a few minutes ago, love that name...now it's forever tainted) and email address as spookierthanu@aol.com) and this woman apparently has lots of time on her hands, as there are twelve pages of product reviews. I'm a bit conflicted, as on one hand, she sounds articulate and doesn't really make many spelling/grammatical mistakes, but on the other hand, she also manages to sound like the most inane person on the planet...and that's a heavily contested title, believe you me...even based solely on my limited interactions with people. I'm half-tempted to begin a correspondence with her just to see what the deal is! But I'm afraid she'd make me re-use my condoms or try to use the clone-a-willy kit on me, or worse yet, re-wear her underwear (not me there, her) another review:
Many colors to choose from! I love thongs-- the less cloth, the smaller the stink-stains. These aren't the absolute best on the market, and sometimes Lord it seems I've tried 'em all. But I often am able to wear one of these for days at a time without washing them. Try my patented odor-test: hold the thong approximately one foot from your face, if you can't smell it then it's fine to wear.
She's a self-proclaimed middle-aged (red flag) whitest-of-the-white (red flag) devout (red flag) Christian (red flag) neo-feminist (red flag) big girl (smaller red flag), all of which might go a long way toward explaining her very narrow (but quite the opposite in her mind) world view. Rather than get into a long and possibly largely pointless diatribe here, I might just have to read ALL her reviews and use them in measured doses for later entries...it seems I've inadvertently stumbled onto a blog fodder gold mine! (Sorry gang, (and you know who you are) y'all will have to work harder to entertain, this chick has handily swept up first second and possibly third places...) Maybe we could have a weekly "nugget of knowledge/wisdom from Scarychick" segment or something...suggestions?
OK, so the entertainment agenda for the evening (aside from the aforementioned Janice) is the extremely highly-recommended Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, which, as it turns out, is perhaps the finest film ever made. (Possibly even supplanting "Swingers") Why, you ask? Read on to learn just a few reasons why:
-Main love interest is indeterminate ethnicity in the movie, but is actually a Colombian actress! Rowr!
-Chesty argyle hotties...that is, up until the battle scene...
-Cindy Kim and my own brush with asian zealotry attached to a mild hottie with a great rack (for an asian girl)...this is also a story for another entry...
-Liane and the "fuck my wife" bit...god, [drool!] What is it with blonde Swedish girls?! ouch! (She totally reminds me of Elisabeth Rohm from Law & Order) So hot! That is until Chris Meloni (can you believe this is Elliott Stabler from SVU?! (Definite Law & Order theme going on in this scene) This role is just what he needs to keep from being typecast as the brooding father/troubled cop rut he was falling into...now all we need is to get Mariska Hargitay topless...sorry, what was I talking about again?)
-Due credence to the power of the White Castle Slyder (I hate that spelling, but I think it's how the company spells it, bastards
-Chock full of drunk/high moments/quotes:
--Just becasue you're hung like a moose doesn't mean you gotta do porn
--Daddy is not coming on anything!
--She's kinda cute, let her touch your penis
--I can't believe you were gonna ditch for the Joy Luck Club, dude
--If you boys want me, you have to do me at the same time...come on, gimme a double stuff!
--Dude, if it's two holes, it might not be that bad!Shotgunanus!
--What's the deal with Neal Patrick Harris? Why is he so horny?
--Did she touch your penis?
--Sure got a lot of baggage...
--Bitch! Learn how to make coffee, you fucking whore!
--Cockboy? Did you just call me cockboy?
And finally, the best reason this is the feel-good movie of the year? [drumroll]
-The moral of the story appears to be that the tremendously dorky, decidedly un-slick Asian guy gets the Colombian hottie! With little to no effort! Woohoo! I cried at the end, it was so beautiful. All movies should end like this. It's a wake-up call to Hollywood and the old guard. I'm going to watch it again before bed...goodnight...
posted by Gene at 6:58 AM
1 Comments:
i have never laughed this hard before my second cup of coffee in the morning.....you're killing me!
keep it up. L
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