Yup, I can control women...
...or "Taxes? What taxes? I'm busy." (And no, I don't really think I can control women, it's an allusion to the last link listed in this post...read on, it's amusing...)
Now playing: No Doubt - Just a Girl
Wow, this takes me back...this song was out in what, 1995? Damn...ten years ago...I'm getting old. At the time, I was living in Minneapolis, exclusively dating a girl from Iowa, Mendie, working as a Corporate Trainer (sounds good, no? A recurring theme in many of my positions, these grandiose titles...) for Best Buy Co., which had recently (the year prior, if I'm not mistaken) become the #1 consumer electronics retailer in the nation. At the time, if you got a job in the computer/home office department of any Best Buy store in the country, you trained on materials I wrote, and if you were hired to staff any new store opening that year, you had about a one in twelve or so chance that I would oversee training of your hundred to hundred-fifty co-workers by half a dozen departmental "NSO (New Store Opening) Trainers" flown in from existing stores nationwide. Heady times. And yeah, Minneapolis is way cold. Brr. Had a total crush on Gwen, went to see ND in concert at First Ave. in downtown Minnie, not knowing it'd be about a year and a half before I met and partied with her and the band...[sigh] definitely my best celebrity story to date...breakfast at IHOP with Steve and Gabe, the horn section, the next morning was especially entertaining.
OK, obviously I missed posting yesterday, due mostly to the evil influence of women (what else?) Apologies to those who checked in hoping for amusement, hopefully this entry will be twice as entertaining/funny to make up for it. With that, let's begin:
Finally got to bed around 5:30 am Monday night/Tuesday morning, after composing blog post/IMing with Laura, expecting delivery of her parcel. Roused from sleep at approximately 10:00 am (3:00 pm GMT), Laura's finally received her package, and all is well in the greater London metro area. Spend about an hour on the phone with her going over various facets of new toy operation/interface, and viewing photos of my Dec '03 (has it really been that long?!) visit to the EU and reminiscing about some of the fabulous times we had. Ahh. I'm so overdue to get back there, it's sickening.
Spend the better part of the afternoon with a knot in my stomach, as it appears that I've double-booked my evening. Made plans with new-best-friend T on Monday night, completely unaware that it was already the 12th of April. What's the 12th of April, you ask? Well, several weeks ago, I'd made plans to spend some quality time with D, who was scheduled to be out this way on business. In the almost-a-year I've had the privilege of being in her acquaintance, we've only had a handful of these opportunities, and I think it's not overstating the point to claim that we both absolutely jump at the chance to indulge. Naturally, I'm torn; on the one hand, here's an all-too-rare chance to have the undivided attention of my favorite playmate for almost a longer period of time than I can physically bear, versus doubling the amount of time I've had to get to know the most compelling case of electric-chemistry-with-object-of-newfound-flirtation in recent memory. The hours drag on and on. I'm thinking that my best course of action is to honour my prior engagement, for the keeping-one's-word attributes, scarcity of opportunity with plan A, and general right-thing-to-do factor. I even went so far as to let T know about the situation and warn her that I was, in all likelihood, going to have to cancel/reschedule our plans for the evening. To her credit, she was exceedingly gracious about the whole thing, despite it really being the only night this week she'd have the opportunity to get out. The only reason I didn't cancel outright was that D had said in an earlier conversation, that there was a small chance that plans might fall through, and the whole thing could be scrubbed. D was to call me at 3, then 3:30; when she did, the news was not good; we're off. Pity, as it's been a while since D and I have had a relaxed visit, and we're nearing our 1-year "anniversary", maybe we'll be able to do something special in the next couple weeks...D, any ideas? I think I owe you from a couple (or ten) other missteps over the course of the last 354 or so days, so stew on that, we'll talk about it over the weekend. ;)
By 4:00 plans are gelled, downside is that I have less time to prepare...gotta meet T at the local brass-and-fern in under an hour...shower, dress, run out the door, crap...torrential downpour. Lovely. People around here drive like absolute morons in the slightest bit of moisture (I love that word and it's derivatives...moist...note to self, get more hotties to say "moist".) We get a table at the pub, order drinks, chat on various fascinating topics I'll not go into here, but suffice it to say that T and I seem to have a lot in common, and I think (hope) we'll be seeing quite a bit of one another. "Small world" syndrome hits both of us while we're there, first, she says "this guy's staring at me, what's his problem?" Turns out it's a friend of mine, a former baseball player (AAA? Majors?)...trying to figure out if it's me or not...he comes over, I introduce them, he introduces his son, we make a little small talk, he moves on, then later on, we meet someone she knows, but would rather not have run into, so that kills the mood a little, and we make our exit. Back to my place for a little while, but she's ultimately got to get to bed and try to recover a bit from being out too late the night before. (Again, sorry about that T...) ;)
I crash unusually early myself, around 11:00 pm (I know, unheard of) thus the lack of blog entry. Unfortunately, this does not translate into much of an early start Wednesday...finally start flopping around probably just before noon. Slept like a baby, though...good dreams and all. Get a call from Lin, with news:the waiting's over...Freaky D has resurfaced, and she needs to make herself scarce for a little while this evening, what was I doing? Nothing that the IRS might need in the next few days or anything, so definitely, come on by, we'll crochet or do needlepoint or something.
I get up, get dressed, start some laundry, plan on finally starting on the soup/stew I've been planning for the last couple days, when I get a call from hottie T...poor baby is feeling under the weather, but would I like some company for lunch? She stops by, we chat for a bit, she heads back to work...too bad it was so cold and rainy out, lunch on the veranda would have been nice. This physical proximity thing could work out well...I'll have to start getting up earlier...
Soup turns out decent, get a call later on from Kel to try and figure out plans for tomorrow, need to get the bike and a few other things over to her place, it was supposed to rain tomorrow, then changed to partly sunny, then changed to "AM rain". WTF?! Get your story straight, weatherpeople!
This is probably as good a time as any to make public a favorite site of mine, Hedonistica. They post amusing/interesting/disgusting photos/videos/games, and today is chock full of good stuff:
-First up, we have this semi-disturbing video of a weightlifting screw-up. Not much to say about that one, eh?
-Next up is this clip of Tiger Woods (who, coincidentally, T likened facial features of mine to) sinking an amazing shot at the Masters. I'm not even into golf, and this got ME excited about it. Incredible. Now if only he meant to do that...
-I may give the first person I see wearing one of these a wedgie just on principle.
-I can't tell whether or not this is a joke (it's _well_ after april 1st, isn't it?), it took me a good several minutes to realize what it was and how it worked, and I have to say, it seems a solid idea on paper, but how could someone not inadvertently hurt themselves on something like that?!
-This is an interesting way to make your customers aware of the nuts-and-bolts behind new technology, but a) most people don't need to know this level of detail, b) it's too long, and c) was Schoolhouse Rock ever this annoying (but catchy)?
-Oh, those crazy-ass Jap kids...
-Finally, I leave you with this...I missed out on the first iteration of this mindless T&A type distraction, but if you didn't (or once you exhaust yourself on the other one, double your fun.
Apparently, there are entire websites dedicated to discovering commands for this crap, or as I like to call it, mankind's finest invention. Google it to get more ideas, but here are a few suggestions. (Besides "don't try these at work")
Ones I figured out on my own before I got bored:
Beer
Dance
Banana
Strip
Shorts
Flash
Touch
Catfight/Spank (both get the same response)
...and my personal favourite, Kiss
After screwing around for a few minutes with the hit-or-miss guessing, I got impatient, cheated and looked it up, here are some more: (some only work on VB1)
airguitar, angry, ass, blow, bottle, bow, box, bra, bras, can, cap, cock, cowboy, grab, gun, gymnastics, hair, handstand, headbang, hoolahoop, hummer, jedi, jump, karate, knee, lap dance, laugh, lick, light, lollipop, macarena, magazine, magic, math, message, muscle, naked, number, orgasm, pat head, pillow, pitcher, pour beer, pour beer on self, pushup, pussy, rap, remove clothes, riverdance, robot, shake, show breast, shower, sleep, spin, splits, switch, sunshine, supermodel, tap dance, tattoo, tickle, toes, tongue, wave, yoga.
God, I could watch that crap all day...I'm officially in love with the blonde in the second one...
Enjoy, and good day.
Now playing: No Doubt - Just a Girl
Wow, this takes me back...this song was out in what, 1995? Damn...ten years ago...I'm getting old. At the time, I was living in Minneapolis, exclusively dating a girl from Iowa, Mendie, working as a Corporate Trainer (sounds good, no? A recurring theme in many of my positions, these grandiose titles...) for Best Buy Co., which had recently (the year prior, if I'm not mistaken) become the #1 consumer electronics retailer in the nation. At the time, if you got a job in the computer/home office department of any Best Buy store in the country, you trained on materials I wrote, and if you were hired to staff any new store opening that year, you had about a one in twelve or so chance that I would oversee training of your hundred to hundred-fifty co-workers by half a dozen departmental "NSO (New Store Opening) Trainers" flown in from existing stores nationwide. Heady times. And yeah, Minneapolis is way cold. Brr. Had a total crush on Gwen, went to see ND in concert at First Ave. in downtown Minnie, not knowing it'd be about a year and a half before I met and partied with her and the band...[sigh] definitely my best celebrity story to date...breakfast at IHOP with Steve and Gabe, the horn section, the next morning was especially entertaining.
OK, obviously I missed posting yesterday, due mostly to the evil influence of women (what else?) Apologies to those who checked in hoping for amusement, hopefully this entry will be twice as entertaining/funny to make up for it. With that, let's begin:
Finally got to bed around 5:30 am Monday night/Tuesday morning, after composing blog post/IMing with Laura, expecting delivery of her parcel. Roused from sleep at approximately 10:00 am (3:00 pm GMT), Laura's finally received her package, and all is well in the greater London metro area. Spend about an hour on the phone with her going over various facets of new toy operation/interface, and viewing photos of my Dec '03 (has it really been that long?!) visit to the EU and reminiscing about some of the fabulous times we had. Ahh. I'm so overdue to get back there, it's sickening.
Spend the better part of the afternoon with a knot in my stomach, as it appears that I've double-booked my evening. Made plans with new-best-friend T on Monday night, completely unaware that it was already the 12th of April. What's the 12th of April, you ask? Well, several weeks ago, I'd made plans to spend some quality time with D, who was scheduled to be out this way on business. In the almost-a-year I've had the privilege of being in her acquaintance, we've only had a handful of these opportunities, and I think it's not overstating the point to claim that we both absolutely jump at the chance to indulge. Naturally, I'm torn; on the one hand, here's an all-too-rare chance to have the undivided attention of my favorite playmate for almost a longer period of time than I can physically bear, versus doubling the amount of time I've had to get to know the most compelling case of electric-chemistry-with-object-of-newfound-flirtation in recent memory. The hours drag on and on. I'm thinking that my best course of action is to honour my prior engagement, for the keeping-one's-word attributes, scarcity of opportunity with plan A, and general right-thing-to-do factor. I even went so far as to let T know about the situation and warn her that I was, in all likelihood, going to have to cancel/reschedule our plans for the evening. To her credit, she was exceedingly gracious about the whole thing, despite it really being the only night this week she'd have the opportunity to get out. The only reason I didn't cancel outright was that D had said in an earlier conversation, that there was a small chance that plans might fall through, and the whole thing could be scrubbed. D was to call me at 3, then 3:30; when she did, the news was not good; we're off. Pity, as it's been a while since D and I have had a relaxed visit, and we're nearing our 1-year "anniversary", maybe we'll be able to do something special in the next couple weeks...D, any ideas? I think I owe you from a couple (or ten) other missteps over the course of the last 354 or so days, so stew on that, we'll talk about it over the weekend. ;)
By 4:00 plans are gelled, downside is that I have less time to prepare...gotta meet T at the local brass-and-fern in under an hour...shower, dress, run out the door, crap...torrential downpour. Lovely. People around here drive like absolute morons in the slightest bit of moisture (I love that word and it's derivatives...moist...note to self, get more hotties to say "moist".) We get a table at the pub, order drinks, chat on various fascinating topics I'll not go into here, but suffice it to say that T and I seem to have a lot in common, and I think (hope) we'll be seeing quite a bit of one another. "Small world" syndrome hits both of us while we're there, first, she says "this guy's staring at me, what's his problem?" Turns out it's a friend of mine, a former baseball player (AAA? Majors?)...trying to figure out if it's me or not...he comes over, I introduce them, he introduces his son, we make a little small talk, he moves on, then later on, we meet someone she knows, but would rather not have run into, so that kills the mood a little, and we make our exit. Back to my place for a little while, but she's ultimately got to get to bed and try to recover a bit from being out too late the night before. (Again, sorry about that T...) ;)
I crash unusually early myself, around 11:00 pm (I know, unheard of) thus the lack of blog entry. Unfortunately, this does not translate into much of an early start Wednesday...finally start flopping around probably just before noon. Slept like a baby, though...good dreams and all. Get a call from Lin, with news:the waiting's over...Freaky D has resurfaced, and she needs to make herself scarce for a little while this evening, what was I doing? Nothing that the IRS might need in the next few days or anything, so definitely, come on by, we'll crochet or do needlepoint or something.
I get up, get dressed, start some laundry, plan on finally starting on the soup/stew I've been planning for the last couple days, when I get a call from hottie T...poor baby is feeling under the weather, but would I like some company for lunch? She stops by, we chat for a bit, she heads back to work...too bad it was so cold and rainy out, lunch on the veranda would have been nice. This physical proximity thing could work out well...I'll have to start getting up earlier...
Soup turns out decent, get a call later on from Kel to try and figure out plans for tomorrow, need to get the bike and a few other things over to her place, it was supposed to rain tomorrow, then changed to partly sunny, then changed to "AM rain". WTF?! Get your story straight, weatherpeople!
This is probably as good a time as any to make public a favorite site of mine, Hedonistica. They post amusing/interesting/disgusting photos/videos/games, and today is chock full of good stuff:
-First up, we have this semi-disturbing video of a weightlifting screw-up. Not much to say about that one, eh?
-Next up is this clip of Tiger Woods (who, coincidentally, T likened facial features of mine to) sinking an amazing shot at the Masters. I'm not even into golf, and this got ME excited about it. Incredible. Now if only he meant to do that...
-I may give the first person I see wearing one of these a wedgie just on principle.
-I can't tell whether or not this is a joke (it's _well_ after april 1st, isn't it?), it took me a good several minutes to realize what it was and how it worked, and I have to say, it seems a solid idea on paper, but how could someone not inadvertently hurt themselves on something like that?!
-This is an interesting way to make your customers aware of the nuts-and-bolts behind new technology, but a) most people don't need to know this level of detail, b) it's too long, and c) was Schoolhouse Rock ever this annoying (but catchy)?
-Oh, those crazy-ass Jap kids...
-Finally, I leave you with this...I missed out on the first iteration of this mindless T&A type distraction, but if you didn't (or once you exhaust yourself on the other one, double your fun.
Apparently, there are entire websites dedicated to discovering commands for this crap, or as I like to call it, mankind's finest invention. Google it to get more ideas, but here are a few suggestions. (Besides "don't try these at work")
Ones I figured out on my own before I got bored:
Beer
Dance
Banana
Strip
Shorts
Flash
Touch
Catfight/Spank (both get the same response)
...and my personal favourite, Kiss
After screwing around for a few minutes with the hit-or-miss guessing, I got impatient, cheated and looked it up, here are some more: (some only work on VB1)
airguitar, angry, ass, blow, bottle, bow, box, bra, bras, can, cap, cock, cowboy, grab, gun, gymnastics, hair, handstand, headbang, hoolahoop, hummer, jedi, jump, karate, knee, lap dance, laugh, lick, light, lollipop, macarena, magazine, magic, math, message, muscle, naked, number, orgasm, pat head, pillow, pitcher, pour beer, pour beer on self, pushup, pussy, rap, remove clothes, riverdance, robot, shake, show breast, shower, sleep, spin, splits, switch, sunshine, supermodel, tap dance, tattoo, tickle, toes, tongue, wave, yoga.
God, I could watch that crap all day...I'm officially in love with the blonde in the second one...
Enjoy, and good day.
posted by Gene at 5:08 AM
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