Warning: diatribe ahead...
Mary! D00d! How's the hottie queen of the dild0?! And her little negro? Thanks for checking in and commenting, hope you come back to read more of this crap ;) Call/drop me a line sometime, we need to make out. Uh, I mean catch up...
Well, it looks as though I've got one more thing to add to the list of the many things I've been wrong about in my life: Asian men ARE apparently fetishized, but wouldn't you know it, heavens to betsy, and just my luck, it's apparently only by a small (I'd guess anyway, my rationale follows) faction of gay men. A guilty pleasure of mine is to occasionally browse the clearance page of an online sex paraphernalia vendor I used to patronize, blowfish, which has since been supplanted by JT's Stockroom, for myriad reasons: they feature all kinds of pretty black/latex/rubber/PVC/chrome bondage gear, better prices, a slicker paper catalog, and hot ass product illustrations with gorgeous models. (Who wouldn't want to buy something off (be warned, while they're tasteful and super arty, none of these next links are remotely or in any way, work-safe) Masuimi Max's (mmm), Kyla Cole's (drool), or Aria Giovanni's (yum) asses?!) Just for fun, and before I get too off-topic, here are some more fun sites: the artsy Stockroom Gallery, Masuimi, Kyla, and Aria. All of the last three are hawking paid memberships, but Masuimi's has the slickest design and gets the nod for best one of the three. OK, got a little carried away with the porn, but hey, we'll call it your parting gift for the weekend...now back to the point I was trying to make:
The clearance page is kind of like a program guide to what DOESN'T sell at a sex emporium, and I'm calling it anecdotal research in the event I ever go into that field. So the first item on the page is Best Gay Asian Erotica, which, on the cover, depicts this generally unassuming, possibly soft-spoken and presumably subservient, but good-at-math naked Asian guy. Then I notice that it's written by an Asian guy, hrm. And then I notice it's an anthology of stories, not even a picture book. WTF? So what makes the goddamned stories Asian?! Throw in some fronds of bamboo here and there? "He looked sexily at me with his chinky eyes before stroking his miniscule penis, as I breathed in the faint aroma of sesame oil"? Peppering the word "Asian" throughout the text? Cripes, shame on you, Joel B. Tan, for selling us out. And is there really a preponderance of Asian erotica floating around out there? So much so to justify (or even support) a "best of" anthology?! Weird. Hell, beyond weird. Basically the upshot of the story is that over the years, I've made this huge production about how American mainstream porn has yet to properly (or at all, even) represent the Asian male demographic, (hrm, do I smell 3000-word article?) although I'm sure we're out there, more than consuming our share of the product. So I've always half-jokingly threatened to move to LA to become the first Asian male porn star in the US mainstream porn industry. Now, in addition to that already unwieldy statement, I have to add the qualifier "non-gay" into the string of adjectives. Great. My only consolation is that for their review copy to have made it's way onto the clearance page, that means that either this very gay-friendly establishment has completely misjudged their clientele, and there are legions of gay men wanting to purchase this book, writing letters to the buying department asking why they're not carrying it, or there just isn't much demand for it, thus somewhat proving my theory to begin with.
After all the porn buildup, the story seems kind of anticlimactic, eh? Well, at least I've used up my quota of the word "Asian" for the month...lucky it's almost February.
Was chatting with Deb when the subject of Spy vs. Spy, that old cartoon from Mad magazine way back when, came up. I mentioned that Mountain Dew had done up what I thought were a series of commercials, but as it turns out is only two...the first one says "to be continued..." at the end, but the second one doesn't. I used to LOVE these cartoons as a kid, and thought the live action commercials were great. So as promised, Deb, here's the link. (requires RealPlayer or Windows Media Player) First two are the Spy vs. Spy ones, love 'em. Then the funny snowboard champ pick-up lines one, "Lawn", which is only very slightly clever, "Seagal", which is absolutely hilarious, (I used to think he was a punk-ass primadonna due to things I've randomly heard about him, who knows if they're even true or not, but he gains huge points for agreeing to do this self-depreciating commercial, I DIED the first time I saw it, as there are a lot of Steven Seagal fans out there, to this day, go figure), and "Sled", which is a good idea and visually well executed, but really not funny or redeeming in any way.
How is it that women are such wonderful, joyous, and utterly amazing creatures, but yet secretly have gooey centers of creamy nougat and pure evil?
I've spent the evening in the company of one of my favorite people in the whole world, had the most delightful phone conversation with another one of my favorite people in the whole world, it's a glorious day (night/morning), and really, what could be more right with the world? Here are some things that I've learned and/or had reinforced from these two, some tonight, some on a broader timeline...interacting with both of them in the same day has just prompted me to think how fortunate we men are to be graced with the fairer sex:
-There's definitely something to be said for electric chemistry between two people
-Smart girls are SO hot
-Girls you laugh with are keepers
-There's a priceless value in an ability to be oneself (one's self?) around others
-Jealousy (while not without it's ego-stroking side effects,) is a wasted and largely useless emotion
-People like to be complimented, no matter how transparent, lame, insincere, sappy, unbelievable, or out-and-out false the statement(s) may be or sound
-Kissing is highly enjoyable
-Kissing someone who knows what they're doing is divine
-"Kissing" and "Having (oral or other) sex (with)" are sometimes, like say in the last two line items, interchangeable
-Everyone has someone that's right for them out there, even if we don't settle for less than perfection or our ideals...many someones, even...maybe dozens, scores, hundreds...who's to say? There are billions of people out there, it's as certain as life off this rock...the sheer magnitude of the numbers encompasses and ensures certainty. (Does that make sense? Either way, I digress.)
-Temporary paralysis and/or loss of vision right after *ahem* strenuous activity is no cause for inital alarm
-People inherently need other people, and basic human interaction: touching, seeing, imagining, smelling, hearing, feeling, etc...
-Tonight, I don't happen to think that they ALL have the evil center, but from previous experience, I know it's there...they just try to distract you from it's existence when they like you and/or your oral skills ;)
Sorry about waxing philosophic...I'm in love. ;) How lame is that? (To be fair, there are healthy doses of lust thrown in there for good measure, too...and/or some of the love might be platonic love...and/or displaced love of all mankind...and/or love of the party lifestyle...and/or brotherly/sisterly/familial love...)
Bisous... (Salut to the masculine readers...)
Well, it looks as though I've got one more thing to add to the list of the many things I've been wrong about in my life: Asian men ARE apparently fetishized, but wouldn't you know it, heavens to betsy, and just my luck, it's apparently only by a small (I'd guess anyway, my rationale follows) faction of gay men. A guilty pleasure of mine is to occasionally browse the clearance page of an online sex paraphernalia vendor I used to patronize, blowfish, which has since been supplanted by JT's Stockroom, for myriad reasons: they feature all kinds of pretty black/latex/rubber/PVC/chrome bondage gear, better prices, a slicker paper catalog, and hot ass product illustrations with gorgeous models. (Who wouldn't want to buy something off (be warned, while they're tasteful and super arty, none of these next links are remotely or in any way, work-safe) Masuimi Max's (mmm), Kyla Cole's (drool), or Aria Giovanni's (yum) asses?!) Just for fun, and before I get too off-topic, here are some more fun sites: the artsy Stockroom Gallery, Masuimi, Kyla, and Aria. All of the last three are hawking paid memberships, but Masuimi's has the slickest design and gets the nod for best one of the three. OK, got a little carried away with the porn, but hey, we'll call it your parting gift for the weekend...now back to the point I was trying to make:
The clearance page is kind of like a program guide to what DOESN'T sell at a sex emporium, and I'm calling it anecdotal research in the event I ever go into that field. So the first item on the page is Best Gay Asian Erotica, which, on the cover, depicts this generally unassuming, possibly soft-spoken and presumably subservient, but good-at-math naked Asian guy. Then I notice that it's written by an Asian guy, hrm. And then I notice it's an anthology of stories, not even a picture book. WTF? So what makes the goddamned stories Asian?! Throw in some fronds of bamboo here and there? "He looked sexily at me with his chinky eyes before stroking his miniscule penis, as I breathed in the faint aroma of sesame oil"? Peppering the word "Asian" throughout the text? Cripes, shame on you, Joel B. Tan, for selling us out. And is there really a preponderance of Asian erotica floating around out there? So much so to justify (or even support) a "best of" anthology?! Weird. Hell, beyond weird. Basically the upshot of the story is that over the years, I've made this huge production about how American mainstream porn has yet to properly (or at all, even) represent the Asian male demographic, (hrm, do I smell 3000-word article?) although I'm sure we're out there, more than consuming our share of the product. So I've always half-jokingly threatened to move to LA to become the first Asian male porn star in the US mainstream porn industry. Now, in addition to that already unwieldy statement, I have to add the qualifier "non-gay" into the string of adjectives. Great. My only consolation is that for their review copy to have made it's way onto the clearance page, that means that either this very gay-friendly establishment has completely misjudged their clientele, and there are legions of gay men wanting to purchase this book, writing letters to the buying department asking why they're not carrying it, or there just isn't much demand for it, thus somewhat proving my theory to begin with.
After all the porn buildup, the story seems kind of anticlimactic, eh? Well, at least I've used up my quota of the word "Asian" for the month...lucky it's almost February.
Was chatting with Deb when the subject of Spy vs. Spy, that old cartoon from Mad magazine way back when, came up. I mentioned that Mountain Dew had done up what I thought were a series of commercials, but as it turns out is only two...the first one says "to be continued..." at the end, but the second one doesn't. I used to LOVE these cartoons as a kid, and thought the live action commercials were great. So as promised, Deb, here's the link. (requires RealPlayer or Windows Media Player) First two are the Spy vs. Spy ones, love 'em. Then the funny snowboard champ pick-up lines one, "Lawn", which is only very slightly clever, "Seagal", which is absolutely hilarious, (I used to think he was a punk-ass primadonna due to things I've randomly heard about him, who knows if they're even true or not, but he gains huge points for agreeing to do this self-depreciating commercial, I DIED the first time I saw it, as there are a lot of Steven Seagal fans out there, to this day, go figure), and "Sled", which is a good idea and visually well executed, but really not funny or redeeming in any way.
How is it that women are such wonderful, joyous, and utterly amazing creatures, but yet secretly have gooey centers of creamy nougat and pure evil?
I've spent the evening in the company of one of my favorite people in the whole world, had the most delightful phone conversation with another one of my favorite people in the whole world, it's a glorious day (night/morning), and really, what could be more right with the world? Here are some things that I've learned and/or had reinforced from these two, some tonight, some on a broader timeline...interacting with both of them in the same day has just prompted me to think how fortunate we men are to be graced with the fairer sex:
-There's definitely something to be said for electric chemistry between two people
-Smart girls are SO hot
-Girls you laugh with are keepers
-There's a priceless value in an ability to be oneself (one's self?) around others
-Jealousy (while not without it's ego-stroking side effects,) is a wasted and largely useless emotion
-People like to be complimented, no matter how transparent, lame, insincere, sappy, unbelievable, or out-and-out false the statement(s) may be or sound
-Kissing is highly enjoyable
-Kissing someone who knows what they're doing is divine
-"Kissing" and "Having (oral or other) sex (with)" are sometimes, like say in the last two line items, interchangeable
-Everyone has someone that's right for them out there, even if we don't settle for less than perfection or our ideals...many someones, even...maybe dozens, scores, hundreds...who's to say? There are billions of people out there, it's as certain as life off this rock...the sheer magnitude of the numbers encompasses and ensures certainty. (Does that make sense? Either way, I digress.)
-Temporary paralysis and/or loss of vision right after *ahem* strenuous activity is no cause for inital alarm
-People inherently need other people, and basic human interaction: touching, seeing, imagining, smelling, hearing, feeling, etc...
-Tonight, I don't happen to think that they ALL have the evil center, but from previous experience, I know it's there...they just try to distract you from it's existence when they like you and/or your oral skills ;)
Sorry about waxing philosophic...I'm in love. ;) How lame is that? (To be fair, there are healthy doses of lust thrown in there for good measure, too...and/or some of the love might be platonic love...and/or displaced love of all mankind...and/or love of the party lifestyle...and/or brotherly/sisterly/familial love...)
Bisous... (Salut to the masculine readers...)
posted by Gene at 6:31 AM
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